How Babies Are Better Than Computers

I don't have a TV.

I know, right? Sounds weird, but I don't. In Norway, it costs quite a lot of money each year to own a TV, and as there's usually nothing on anyway, my husband and I figured we'd just throw it out and spend our time more wisely. You know, pursue healthy hobbies, take long walks in the forest with our dog, keep the house nice and tidy, those sort of things. We didn't quite consider our own ability to find other stupid things to fill all that time with. Meaning that instead of mindlessly staring at a TV, we're now mindlessly surfing round the internet on our laptops instead.

 "This is SO going on my Facebook profile"

 Photo from here

The first time I went online was at primary school when I was about thirteen years old. I can remember staring around the web browser trying to figure out how to get from one web page to another, but by the time it took to enter a web address and waiting for it to load, the bell rang and class was over.

In high school I became quite proficient at computers, when our teacher Andrew ("you won't make any money on the planet Mars!") patiently talked us through using Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator on fresh new 1998 Apple iMacs. The internet speed had picked up, and I spent innumerable breaks and free periods glued to the screen of one of those juicy, colorful little things. I got my very own Hotmail address. I spent hours at the Smashing Pumpkins message boards (one, I was a huge fan, and two, Facebook hadn't been invented yet. I am THAT old). Then, in Uni, I taught myself how to use Dreamweaver, signed up for free internet domains and set up my own websites. When my mum bought a computer, I set it up for her, thereby forever cementing my role as eternal computer techie for my less-than-technologically-gifted mother.

 Look, complimentary colors! And warm-cold contrast as well! Told you I'm an artist.

Pictures from here and here, Photoshopped together by me LIKE A BOSS

I bought my very own computer, a laptop, in the summer of 2006. Later that year, my boyfriend (who is now my husband) got himself a desktop computer. In 2009, I won a scholarship and bought another desktop computer with Adobe Photoshop and one of these beauties. And finally, as a reward for squeezing out a baby earlier this year, my husband bought me ANOTHER laptop. Which I then equipped with a Wacom Bamboo and Photoshop Elements.

Lost count yet? I also have my brother's Commodore 64 lying about in the attic somewhere. And a few spare keyboards and things. I spend A LOT of time on computers every day. Mostly for work, but in the evenings as well. I am beginning to see a small hitch here, though.

Remember me mentioning that baby that I squeezed out? Well, he's going to grow bigger. And move about. And grab things. And destroy them. My computers. Oh. My. God.

Not that I love computers more than I love my baby! Oh no. I mean, sure, there are many similarities between my baby and my computer, such as the fact that they cost a lot of money to maintain and upgrade. Also, they can both catch viruses. And they both need recharging and sometimes crash for no apparent reason. However, where you consciously have to feed your computer new programs and updates and put more memory cards into it to make it smarter, the baby will do that all by itself. And come on, my computer cost, what, 5-6000 Norwegian monies to buy, but my baby was FOR FREE! Sure, computers don't drool on your sholder or poop all over the changing table, but no number of videos of laughing babies on YouTube can compete with the full 3D experience of seeing (and hearing) one live.

A real baby has way higher resolution than this

Also, you can personalize your computer as much as you like, with programs, add-ons, applications, skins, alert sound settings, fonts and even different colors on the hardware or a sweet bag to keep it in, but your computer will never, ever look like you. Nothing is more special edition, one-off, hand numbered, custom made and unique than your own baby. If it wasn't frowned upon by the general public, I'd sign mine. "Made by Jorunn Hanto-Haugse, 2011". Right there on his georgeous pink little belly.

A Whole Day In Which To Do Nothing

Don't you just love that? Having a whole day to yourself which you can spend doing whatever you like, and then decide to do nothing at all? I'm home alone for a whole day and night for the first time in over six months, AND I'm ill so that means I don't have to do any chores! Sure, I did some laundry and vaccumed upstairs but that took me, what, fifteen minutes? The rest of the time I've been sitting right here, on the couch, reading interesting blogs and looking at the fjordscape outside with its lovely autumn colours and feeling a little miffed that I can't go outside in the sunshine. Because I'm ill, you see. With a cold. Colds can be great sometimes.

I read a book this summer called "Nu, jävlar!" in which one of the characters, a pregnant woman, gets a whole day to herself when her husband and kids go away. But because she has this wonderful long stretch of blank hours, she can't decide what to do with them, so she ends up doing the things she does every day anyway - clears up after the kids, scrubs the kitchen counter etc. One by one those precious hours trail away, relentlessly, until suddenly the day is gone. Something dramatic happens at the end, but I won't say what in case you want to read it later. 

I get that feeling every night. Almost without exception I end up on the couch with my laptop, reading through the same newspapers, the same social media pages, tweet once or twice, check my emails even though I've checked them a gazillion times allready that day, check out notalwaysright.com and a couple of Cheezburger-pages. It gets tedious.

But not when I'm ill! You see, usually, I'm fit to do a whole lot of other things that are more important or useful than sitting on the couch, and then I have a bad conscience for not doing them. So I'm not really enjoying sitting there, I always feel slightly uncomfortable. And a part of my brain always plans to go do something grown-up, so I don't settle myself properly on the couch, and I sit in a rather uncomfortable position and the whole laptop-session becomes a "I'm just going to check [insert website] ...". And then it's half past ten and I have to go to bed.

But now that I'm ill, I can relax and waste time knowing that I'm actually convalescing. It's brilliant. Unless I get a fever. Which sucks. But until then, excuse me while I fetch some chocolate from the cupboard and convalesce some more.

Here's my entry for today's Naked Noseless Day at webcomicx-x.com.

It's one of the characters of Reveland, Vigdis, being all naked and noseless in a Manet-sort of style.
Have a nice Saturday, the day of the week when procrastination is mandatory!